why cant i tell them what i tell you

Hello long time since my last blog, I haven’t really found much time lately to have 'ME' time and I have just finished a full week of work experience. I have been isolated from my friends for the past week and now I am finally back at school with my friends, think I would be happy? Wrong, I have no idea why… I take that back I DO. I have now realized that I don’t have many ‘good’ friends, the people I call my friends are people I can hold a conversation with but apart from that I don’t think that I have many friends. I think that I am holding myself back now, shutting myself down and not letting anyone in too close. I sound like the character Holly off ‘The Perfect Man’, if any of you have seen it you will understand what I am saying. Her character is too afraid to let anyone in close enough to hurt her because she sees it happen to her mum every day.

I have a boyfriend, his name is Chris. Last week I didn’t see him because of work experience I almost didn’t get to see him on Saturday because I had to work but I did get to see him but not for very long 10 minutes max I was talking to him. That day he tells me he is going to Adelaide for three days for basketball. Me happy? Keep dreaming!! Today its 12:30 and already 15 people have asked me where Chris is and if I miss him. I tell myself and my friends I miss him but I am not entirely sure if I truly miss him.  I can’t stop thinking him but still I am usually thinking about how we size up to all the other couples in my grade. Love has done nothing good to me, the first few weeks we were going out I was over the moon, and you couldn’t wipe my smile off if your life depended on it. Now 5 or so weeks in I am sad, gloomy and only smile to keep people off my back.
Love makes you happy? I thought it did . . .
I feel better now that I have said it all because I really didn’t want to share this with my friends because sometimes it’s for the best if they don’t know

I GOT NEW SHOES!!

YAY i love my new shoes but still i wonder how long they will last being clean!! this morning they survived an attack from sam but he missed!! so i have clean new shoes, once again i am in IPP.

lately i have been having really weird ass dreams and they are scaring me. last night in my dream my boyfriend got pissed off at me for talking to his best friend and he broke the thing off then by the end of the dream it was all better. DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT THIS MIGHT MEAN??

love sometimes xoxo

hello first week back at school is over and here comes the second week! first week was full on not just because it being first week back but also because i found out that the guy i like liked me back and he told me this and it was only FIRST DAY BACK!! i was very very happy, then by wednesday we were going out. but the one thing got that ruined my week was english .... we got given THREE ESSAYS on the first day back that are due this week, next week and the week after. IT SUCKS BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG TIME!! you have no idea, its lots of work and i would rather do the work at home than at school coz i have stuff to talk about during school.

so now im taken, one of my closest friends likes my boyfriend and im almost 16 ... whoop whoop!! love sometimes

hello, well my last post was only a few words but i thought that i kind of described what was going through my head. all these blogs are just for me to get my emotions out instead of bottling them up and exploding. so i am not fussed if you write a comment or not.

 FIRST DAY BACK AT SCHOOL TODAY!!

i am sitting in IPP my teacher can probably see that i am not doing work but i finished all my work last term so i have another hour and 5 mins to waste. i have my iPOD in and i am listening to Teddy Geiger, For You I Will this song built up my confidence to tell the guy i like that i like him unfortunatly i never got the chance to tell him myself, his best friend told him. now that i know that he knows and i am avoiding/ignoring [whatever you want to call it] him only because he knows and i dont know what he thinks about it. i have science with him after lunch and that should be interesting. if he didnt know that i like him things would be totally different today, i would have gone up to him and said hello, i would be talking to him in between classes and at recess BUT I'M NOT! i would never have seen myself to change the way i act around someone because they knew that i like them.

2 WEEKS TIL MY BIRTHDAY AND 10 WEEKS TIL ITALY

the 2 things that i am looking forward to this year are so close, i turn 16 in 2 weeks and i am heading overseas to Italy for almost a month. my homegroup teacher told my class this morning that there are ONLY 49 DAYS til we become year 11's ... its so close and it is kind of scary as well. turning 16: dont think that will be scary but i think the pressure to actually START acting mature might kick in. going to italy: well whats not to be scared about? i am catching a plane and heading half way across the world to a forgein country where i dont speak the language well. plus i am staying in home stay with my italian exchange student from earlier this year ... that will be interesting and scary because we got together while they were here!!

i feel better now, sometimes xoxo

today was the day ... the day that i was going to finally tell him ... that never happened

 

haivng friends is the one thing that makes going to school worth while, seeing them just seems to make everything better and you can always count on a good bitch/deep and meaning chat. the one thing i think that can totally ruin a friendship that has been going longer than the movie titanic is a GUY yeah those people who walk around with penis. when my best friend got close to going out with this guy i was all so happy for her because .... well its a long story. but while they were getting all cosy i felt like i was being replaced then that never happened so i think it was a good but bad thing. one thing i dislike is my friends having boyfriends when i dont ... which is most of the time, who really wants to hear the 24 hour update on how there relationship is going? NOT ME, when my friends start going on about it or text me about it i just cant be fucked feeling an emotion.

i can say that i have been a victim of this but im over it and try not to mention guys names because people jump at conclusions like: do you like him? that one sentence can piss the shit out of me, hasnt anyone ever heard guy friends? i have, i would love to leave my body and watch myself talking to guys, see if i can see what are seeing. but when my friends talk about their boyfriends it flicks my switch on to 'why cant i have someone like that?' so i start thinking whats wrong with me?

hopefully my friends and i can have that sleepover because it would be the best

love sometimes

i was reading through my old blogs and i stumbled across 'im filling my time with anything that keeps you off my mind and im planning to keep it that way' ... beforei wrote that blog i did a quiz, Why are you STILL single? after doing that quiz it said was still single because i dont want to settle down at that time i was going off thinking bullshit but now after i have been sick and spent time alone and thought about it and I DONT WANT TO SETTLE DOWN!! i have found that i am too scared to get a boyfriend because i dont want to be tied down because i love to have my freedom and a boyfriend would just mean that i wouldnt be able to flirt anymore! well finally i have figured it out and that means that i probably wont ever get married and i can kiss goodbye me having EIGHT kids!!

 love sometimes

hello well since wednesday last week i was offically SICK! and since then its been all exciting, NOT. i sat in the same chair in the same lounge room in the same house for FOUR DAYS ... no one else sat in that chair but me because i think they were too scared to catch it. everyone seems to be sick in some way at school now that im back. their either coughing, sneezing, runny nose etc. i blame the people who went on outdoor ed camp because when they came back 2 weeks ago EVERYONE got sick. so i sound so stupid, i have had a head cold and my nose is stuffed, my thoart is stuff, i had a hot head and a cold body but im over that now ... until we started playing pe today, i started to heat up and then my body was either sweating or heating up or whatever but i was cold! so today is my first day back since wednesday and its going pretty good, religion was boring LIKE ALWAYS, pe was fun and now ipp im doing nothing because im ahead of everyone and its funny because they are getting told off for doing stuff on the internet while im on here typing away without a care. but someone is really annoying me because he needs to talk to me but its like every other time he wants to talk to me he'll start but then go off and im ready to talk to him about it but he just doesnt come up to me so he can keep dreaming about talking!! well after this im going to be very very bored ... cya mwa mwa sometimes

i believe that we dont have to change friends if we understand that friends change

i believe that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that

i believe that you can doing something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life

i believe you can keep going long after you cant

i believe that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel

i believe that you either control your attitude or it controls you

i believe that sometimes the people who you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you back up again

i believe that maturity has more to do what type of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated

i believe that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesnt stop for your grief

i believe that you shouldnt be too eager to find out secrets because it could change your life forever

i believe that two different people can look at the same thing and see two different things

i believe that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by someone who doesnt even know you

i believe that the people you care about the most in life are taken from you too soon

i believe you can hate and love someone equally at the exact same time

love sometimes mwa mwa xoxo

well lets think this week has been so frickin' awesome, there is like no one and i mean NO ONE in year anymore. they are all in the grampians and im loving it i dont have to put up with my ex-best friend, the loud annoying people. ive gotten quiet close to some of my guy friends and its good because i wouldnt be able to get that close with everyone still at school because they would all raise their eyebrows and be like 'are you going out with him?'

so its only 3 days til i go to nangwarry and watch the footy and met some people ive been meaning to met for a while.  ARGH cant wait and on friday we have a retreat and retreats are the best part of school! thursday will be good but bad. GOOD: because its my dads birthday and yeah  BAD: all the people from the grampians will be back!!

lately ive been reading heaps of friendship quotes and poems etc. because i need one that can be used to explain just about everything that is going on right now. my ex-best friend left me out in the cold and im pissed about. everyone is saying 'its just another fight t hey will get over it like they always do' and once again im the only one saying that it WONT be okay, things will NEVER be the same again. i hope im right but then again there goes FOUR FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE down the toilet!!

love sometimes  &nbs p;   

hello well i think after my last post i seemed very happy? because my long weekend was good well from tuesday after lunch to now i have been going downhill, my best friend has left me out in the cold because i lied to her. the real mystery that gets me is, i never lied to her recently i have not told her something i lied about. i just never told her and she found out from someone else. it now doesnt seem that bad when i type it, maybe im over exaggerating or something.

tomorrow will be the moment of truth im going to go and talk to her about it and its if she really wants to listen what i have to say about it she'll stay but if she doesnt she'll walk off or make some excuse and leave while i'll stand there talking to myself still explaining. i really want to hear what she wants to say about this and see where she is coming from.

anywho i have a italian test tomorrow, yay i think i should do okay. i just love my italian class there are 13 of us, 12 girls and one guy. half the class are going to italy together and we are just all so comfortable and talk about stuff openly, instead of doing work

well nite nite mwa mwa xoxo sometimes

hello well the long weekend is almost over and i have had a weekend and a half ... it all started friday night when my friend stayed over and we went to movies with a group of friends and then to dinner by ourselves, we were going to go to this guys place but we didnt because they were totally off their faces. when we got home we watched the family stone and then 13, 13 is a shit ass movie to what i thought it would have been. so my friend and i made camp in front of the tv with dunars, 3 pillows and my blankie. saturday morning we got up and my friend who lives around the corner came over and my great-grandparents came around as well to drop off their dog, Midge because they are going to Queensland for 3 months like they do every year. so after everyone had left i had a shower and got ready for work, it was so crowed at work because there must be some sort of soccer competition going on for all the people who came in where soccer players or parents.

sunday i went to warnambool to visit my pop. pop and jessie have moved house recently and they have moved just down the road from their old house! but i love their new house and my pop calls it a cubby, which i so true because it practically is. we stayed there for the day and took their old computer and we are going to set it up which will be good. then sunday night i slept over at my friends house who slept over at my house on friday, before we went back to her place we went to this guys house where we met up with my friends bf, so we spent 3 or so hours there and i hooked up with the other guy there ... something that sounded good at the time but is now coming back to haunt and scare me because personally it was so fucking shit!! i almost spewed because he nearly gagged me with fucking smokers breath!!

so today is monday and ive stacked half a truck of wood, had a shower and spent 2 and a half hours on my homework!! im pretty pooped ... well got people to talk to mwa mwa sometimes xoxo

hello tonight i went to a meeting for my italian trip i will be going on in late september early october. it will be an awesome experience and something i thought i would never get to do. the best part will be to see all the italians who came and stayed with us in february. we all started uneasy and uncomfortable around each other but ended up saying goodbye to new found friendships. we went through all the minor details so that we could be informed about things and ask any questions. one thing that will make this trip something to remember is to come home to someone who loves you. my family are coming on the trip with me so ill get to see them and tell them about my adventures while we are still over there. one of my friends is on the verge (and by on the verge i mean literally hanging off the side of a cliff face with one finger) to going out with this guy who loves her and she loves him, its so sweet to hear her talking about it but it makes me feel so you know 'why cant i have someone like that?' its the same with my best friend i believe i am diagnosed with having the 'pretty' best friend. shes been on/off with this one guy at her work and shes got another guy at school but they are more like he loves her and she likes him as a friend scene. me? well ive had someone for 2 weeks then he broke it off ... since then its been downhill.

heaps of people have said 'your pretty dont know why your still single' ... i love the compliments and i finally took a test about it. the test was 'Why are YOU STILL SINGLE?' my result was: your still single because you dont wanna settle down! OMG i was reading about what that means, it was saying about how you have your perfect man planned out; hair and eye colour, height etc. and im like WHAT THE FUCK!! BULLSHIT!! i have no idea what i look for in a guy, there is usually a little something about them, that when i find what that is i cant get enough! hmmm that probably made no sense or sounded like total bullshit.

now a list of I'M SO SICK OF:

• LOVE SONGS
• BEING REMINDED OF MELBOURNE
• SEEING COUPLES TOGETHER
• BITCHES
• PEOPLE COMPLAINING
• HAVING TO LISTEN DAY IN AND DAY OUT ABOUT HOW MY FRIENDS LOVE LIFE IS GOING
• BEING THE LOUD ONE
• HIDING WHAT I REALLY FEEL
• GUYS WHO RECKON THEY ARE SUPERIOR THAN WOMEN

reckon thats enough from me! mwa mwa mwa xoxo sometimes its 4 the best ...

hello hello hello, well cant remember when my last blog was but my feelings have been on the spin cycle, wringed out and hang out to dry on the line. went to adelaide for 3 days and when i came back it was like i lost my best friend to the guy she liked! well i didnt actually lose her coz she was talking to me and stuff but it was like if they started going out he could replace me easy. but lucky for me i dont have to worry about that anymore because today has been hectic!! my best friend stop taking interest in that guy and i spent all of lunch and the lessons after lunch talking about it!! sounds like i had nothing better to talk about but i was about the only one besides him and her who knew what was really going on because i had talked to both of them about it.

my love life is still down low and hasnt risen for a long long time. its kinda upsetting that my best friend can get a guy like that (clicks) and i guess that makes me jealous, i guess ive got the pretty best friend. i hate it sometimes, she belongs to the popular group and she deserves to have a boyfriend. me? i have no idea what i deserve.

now im doing it again, just like i did last year i put my friends happiness before my own and i end up forgetting about what i really want but now its loud and clear what i want because whenever i see couples and stuff i have flash backs to something that happened a few months ago and will stick with me until i die i reckon probably because it was a first. I WANT A BOYFRIEND!

i know thats what i want but lets think what do i actually need? i need a holiday from school, to escape reality and live a life that has nothing to do with those who i have spent primary school and high school. why? no idea but when i was away in adelaide for those 3 days i felt so much better and then when i got back everything seemed to have changed.

im probably not as fucked up as i think i am but oh well i know i have a problem because i dont wanna be at school with my friends anymore!

love sometimes

hey hey hey its fat albert!! lol i watched fat albert last night on the way home from adelaide and it is a shit movie but so funny. so i went to adelaide on sunday morning and returned late last night. in adelaide is cardijn college and we play two days of sports. unfortunatly tenison lost 7-2 pretty bad!! but oh well i had lots of fun, no hot guys thye were all cocks and the girls well from what i heard were bitches. adelaide is only 5 hours by car/bus and last night it took us around 6-7 hours to get home. but it was pretty good because i found someones music because my iPOD died before we left cardijn and my phone had died so i didnt have anything. i looked out the window and thought about things but never really got anywhere, i realised that somehow there is really noone out there for me. maybe they are there but i havent opened my eyes enough to see, wish they could make a sign and hold it up. i really need to get out of the mount because there is nothing here for me and everything i do is worth nothing and nobody really gives a shit. i am quitting netball next year and just sticking to a gym to keep myself fit. why quit netball? i am so sick of it and everything i seem to do in netball is shit compared to someone else, maybe i shouldnt compare myself to other people. jesus all i really want right now is a boyfriend so i can get a big cuddle and feel loved ... i think i need to feel loved to belong hmmm thats a bit weird! well later sometimes xoxo

hey hey hey, im going to adelaide on sunday morning for a school exchange. it will be awesome fun because its 2 days off school and i dont go to adelaide very often so it will be nice and finally i will be able to get OUT OF THE MOUNT!! im so sick of it here, the rain, the fog ... all so depressing and my friend and i in work ed were writing msgs to each other and we both wanna live and have both realised that we cant get bf's til we leave for unis. sigh sigh sigh

3 minutes ago i just ruined the next couple of days of my life. i told my friend that the guy she kissed, i kissed too but she doesnt know that i kissed him before her. so when she finds that out she is gonna go out of wack ... i think anyways ... i think tomorrow i might avoid her.

well short entry tonight mwa mwa sometimes

when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. live your life so when you're dying, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying ...

well hello all, i went to a party last night and i was pretty good. i spent the night in my netball dress and it was about 8-10 degrees outside, but around 11 we lit a bonfire and made a circle and talked til around 5 but by then all 10 of us were in one room in two little groups. it was good because i lifted off a 3 month burdern off of my shoulders!!

i think thats a turning point for me!! because i told two people last nite/this morning and i told someone this afternoon and i have to tell my best friend tomorrow at school but i dont want to because i think that she will go tell someone but the other three people i have told i trust them

ARGH!! im just going to leave it there and say ... LIFE WAS EASIER WHEN GUYS HAD COOTIES!

love sometimes xoxo

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Do you run through each day On the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head?

You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over.

well its a monday night and i have completed my work education assignment, 12 psychcial education questions, made up a photo page and written a letter to be sent over to italy for my host family. im pooped!!

well i think i like someone!! WHOOP WHOOP GO ME!! but i dont want to tell anyone because i dont want anyone to know, maybe my best friend should know but hmmm, its so frustrating. we will just have to see what happens this week and so on. im now taking life day by day so i think that my life may [and hopefully] become more easier.

stay tuned because sometime last week i wrote out a blog and havent posted it yet but its a real, true blue emotion filled blog!! well nite nite all my fellow tblogers!!

love sometimes mwamwa

these are just some lovey dovey stuff!!

I wait for the bus every morning, I wait for my classes to finish, I wait for my shifts to end at work, I wait for the weekend to arrive, I wait for supper to be ready, I wait to get my grades, I wait to get my license, I wait for my paycheck, I wait for my birthday, for Christmas, for vacations, for everything, I wait, I wait, I wait constantly...so it would be really great if I didn't have to wait for you too

There's so many words I cannot say when I look into your eyes. Maybe you'll reject me and shatter all my pride. Each day my love grows stronger but I wont let you know. There’s way to much behind my smile that I can never show. I'll hold you for a lifetime if you would take my hand. I love you like no other but you don't understand. So Ill dream of us together of how good it could be and will keep my love a secret until you're in love with me.

You know what, you should leave me for her. You should go out with anyone your heart desires, because eventually I know what will happen...see you're gonna be with all those other girls, but none of those girls are gonna be like me, I'm different than all of them. You're going to realize that I'm the one you should be with and you're going to come back to me, so sure. Break my heart now, but I'm telling you, you'll be back, you'll be back when you realize that you left the one girl who was meant to be with you. But see the thing is, you just better hope the girl is still there after your with all these different girls

enjoy love always sometimes ....

well hello hello hello!! i'm in a very happy mood, think i've been here at least two weeks or something like that and i have over 300 CLICKS!! i'm pretty happy with that. well lets see what happened this weekend?

saturday morning, got up, went to the market with my mum at 8 in the morning then got ready for netball. i'd prefer to not talk about netball because we lost and it wasn't a close match. that night i worked at charlies and that wasn't that bad, sunday i got up and ate breakfast, baked a cake and started to watch hawthorn play. i did'nt watch the last quarter because we were losing and it was like my netball game, HARD TO WATCH!! so after that i cleaned my room, i think if my room was a person it would have said thankyou, when people say that your room looks like a bomb hit it well thats what my room looked like. i only cleaned my room so that i could go to the movies to see Kinky Boots, which i thought was pretty good i can't be bothered going into too much detail about it but briefly a shoe company starts to make a new line of shoes for drag queens, transvesites etc.

i think that i should start going places by myself and start living the single life because who knows how long it might be before someone comes along and sweep me of my feet. i went to the movies by myself, it didn't feel that weird but when i told people at school today they were like 'really!' 'why did you do that?' i've been wanting to do that for a long time and finally did it, so now i'm going to the movies every sunday night to go see a movie which is in it's last week. sounds like an awesome idea but i don't know how well it's going to go because i'll probably get sick of seeing couples together etc. but i suppose thats why i'm going for the movies that are on their final week so that there won't be many people.

MONDAY: first day of real school, because last week we had business week, wehre we run our own business for two years which they squeezed into a week. so today we got to see who was in our classes and stuff. i'm in two classes with my best friend which is better than one!! i have pe, computing, gothic literchure [english], maths, re, work education, italian and physics. so i'm liking what i have to do for the next two terms, but the main thing on my mind this week will be who i take to my guy friends party. since we have to take a partner, i have someone in mind but i don't want to ask him because i think that people will see that more than just a friendship. i usually don't care but when it comes to guys it's a totally different issue with me.

so tomorrow i'll be stressing over who to take, but i shouldn't worry but it's a party and this guy has a huge backyard so if i pick the wrong person something could happen that i don't want to happen and because two of the parties i've been to this year i've ended up with some sort of story going around about me and some guy. oh well i'll have to change that won't i!!

well thats all from me, seems like a lot!! gheez i can shit on a lot, TALENT!! mwamwa sometimes

i think i have finally realised that if someone tells you not to do something you do it anyway to either, see what happens, to piss someone off or just because someone told you not to! i'm feeling a bit like that right now, like i said last post that my friend told me not to start to like the guy she likes and now i'm thinking maybe i should just do something behind her back and not tell a soul.

one of my friends wrote up a contract wednesday night and me and my one of my guy friends signed it. the contract was just about how we should start taking risks, so maybe now my risk is to see what would actually happen if i met him! so that will be very interesting to see what kind of risks we take. at school i do italian and there is me, e and s, s is having a party for his birthday and its a dinner party type thing, where we have to bring a partner so there are 10 invited and we can't take someone who is already invited!! so plus another 10 equals 20, this week i'll be looking for a partner and i don't know who to take because i'm scared of if i take someone something might happen. the past two parties i've been to i laid on his stomach the whole night and fell asleep there and the other we were just flirting which was harmless. not everyone sees it that way and i wish they would!

after school i was going to go see eight below but i didn't go see it because i wasn't in the mood so sunday afternoon i'm going to go see kinky boots. i think that should be a, well a different movie, i've always wanted to go the movies by myself but whenever i say that i am my mum says 'oh why don't you call up so and so' she doesn't get it! last night i asked her if she was alright with me going to the movies by myself, she said she was but obviously wasn't because this morning she was going to call one of my friends for me!! GHEEZ!!

well off i go to do nothing for the night, could go to the movies still!! might sit and play the sims 2, mwamwa sometimes

FINALLY GOT A COMMENT, thanks so much for your imput!! well i think i'm not going to give daily blogs because i won't have much to say but today a couple of important things happened.

ONE: we did our ad for our business today, me and my friend got dressed up in [aussie] footy shorts, socks and gurneseys. it was so much fun because surprising the shorts were really comfortable so i spent the rest of the day in them!! while finishing up our filming we asked one of the guys from another company to just stand in our ad, when we finished i was walking infront of him and he came up and said 'nice shorts kaylah, you look good in them' i was so shocked!! and a guy in our company who is an absolute legend said i looked good in them as well but i didnt think anything of it because he has a missus [girlfriend]

TWO: now i suppose those who have read my earlier blogs have noticed that i have a problem between my friend and this guy who i have been talking to on the internet. today my friend came up to me and said to 'not start to like him' so the conversation went something like this ME: 'would that be a bad thing?' HER: 'you like him, don't you!!' ME: 'no'. then she made me look into her eyes and tell her that i didn't like him, so i did it and i felt like a tool and now i'm not quiet sure what to do about it.

i think thats about it, the two major things that happened today... i got threatened [well not excatly] by my friend and i got told i look good in [aussie] footy shorts!! well enough for me mwamwa sometimes

hello well everytime this week i try to write my blog i get half way and my mum will come saying we are going somewhere or i have to get off!! i probably should save it but who can be bothered, because i dont want my parents or sister reading what i'm saying because what i write is special stuff that nobody close to me knows!!

i am really getting sick of people going on and on about the same person, i know in year eight i was probably a criminal on the run about it but eventually i told myself i wouldnt talk about him for a week and then after i toldmy friends he walked up to me and started to talking to me! that was pretty good and i just looked at my friends, smiled, watched them run out of the classroom and then i walked off! i remember that like it was yesterday!! getting off track here, lol i do that a lot

so back to people talking about the one person over and over and over and over again, well it gets fucking annoying!! so i have tried to keep away from those people but those people are my good friends so it's kinda a task and a half to keep away from them. maybe i should just avoid the whole 'guy' topic! i'm lucky that 6 of my friends are all anti-guy, when i say anti-guy i mean they dont like anyone they seem to have so much fun and can just be themselves. but when your at a party and everyone expect them tell who they like.

THIRD DAY BACK AT SCHOOL!! well it's been alright i'm happy to see everyone and it's good to see that i still have those friendships with my guy friends. today i was talking heaps to one of my guy friends and my best friend reckons i was flirting with him!! like hello! this is what happened last term, he was in my geography class and we went to port macdonnell [a small town] for an excursion and we sat next to each other on the bus, walked together and talked a lot. then after lunch he went to the toilets with two of my other friends while i went to the bus, he told them that he liked me [well something like that]. my friends obviously told me and we had a big talk about it.

when i think about it more i think i might have felt something more for him but i don't think anything would have happened because he had a girlfriend. after him and his girlfriend broke up he was hardly at school because he was sick so i didn't see him or talk to him but now that school has gone back i've talked to him heaps and my friend likes him but i don't think he has feelings for her. do i like him now? hmmm what a question, i don't think so because all i see him as now is a friend who i can talk to and have fun with.

another one of my guy friends is having a dinner party for his birthday which will be awesome and everyone who he invites has to have a partner because we will be dancing. i think that is so awesome, he told me today and i loved it and i started thinking who would i go with? i'm going to ask him who has to ask [girls or guys]. the next few weeks will be a blast and a half, lol i love saying that adding and a half to stuff.

so i have no idea where i'm standing right now with life, it's like saying 'how do you win this game again?' maybe i'll do fine by myself like i have been for the past year, but being with someone makes me feel loved. having someone's arms around you, holding you makes you feel all good inside and for once i would like to feel all those good feelings.

well long blog i think!!

sometimes

saturdays are now pre-occupied with a sport known as netball. i play for north and we were runners up in the pre season tournament [hopefully thats how its spelt]we play teams from mount gambier, casteron, hamilton, portland, millicent and heywood.today was our second game and we played hamilton imperials we were winning play 4 i think then we missed a few goals and they fought back it was draw and i think that we should have won but oh well! that game was played like a grand final!! so intense, next week we got millicent at home again, two home games in a row you dont get many of those. well now i have like 35 clicks so im extra happy about that, seems nobody wants to say anything about what i write though. no comments!! oh well at least people read it .... i saw my friend today who i hadnt seen all holidays shes the one who likes the guy who likes me. im trying not to mention names because then they will find out all these things that i dont want them to know. i saw my best friend at netball but she didnt see me!! i think that im heaps weird because i DONT EVEN WANT TO SEE ME BEST FRIEND!! do you people out there on tblog think thats a bad thing? not wanting to see your best friend? oh well, im a stinkerbell right now so im off mwamwa love sometimes